“Would You?”

“Would You?” is #8, the final play from “Una noche de las obras cortas” (A Night of Short Plays) that was produced in Oaxaca, Mexico in June 2018.

Please scroll down the page to read the other plays I’ve published. You can read them quickly and I know you’ll find them enjoyable.

“Would You?” synopsis: Beauty vs a bad habit in determining whether to approach someone.

CHARACTERS

A: a male

B: a female

TIME: The Present

PLACE: At the beach

The characters have no names which puts no limits on who can be cast. All ages, races and ethnicities should be considered.

1.

A: It’s hard to say.

B: That’s no answer. Would you?

A: Are you listening?

B: Yes.

A: Okay then.

B: You still have to choose.

A: I’m tired of this game.

B: You chose it.

A: I know. I’m an idiot.

B: Maybe a different topic?

A: Are there any left?

B: Not many.

A: Let’s just finish this one.

B: Ok. Would you?

A: Tell my mother?…

2.

B: That your father is cheating.

A: Is she dying?

B: What difference—

A: A lot.

B: Fine.

A: If she is, then no.

B: If she isn’t?

A: I don’t know.

B: At least you answered something.

A: Thank you.

B: You’re not very decisive.

A: It’s my burden.

B: You like to ponder.

A: I almost majored in philosophy.

B: Now you teach physics.

3.

A: Yeah. How’d that happen?

B: There’s the “work” you.

A: And the “personal” me.

B: Unlike me.

A: Unlike you. The decision maker.

B: Not about everything, though.

A: No?

B: You’d be surprised.

A: Such as?

B: Socks.

A: Would you wear yellow socks?—

B: On Christmas? How’d you know?

A: I didn’t. That’s your dilemma?

B: It’ll give me a breakdown.

A: Red is the obvious color.

4.

B: Not in my world.

A: Glad I don’t live there.

B: Pray you never do.

A: So many beautiful people here.

B: More than usual.

A: I wonder why.

B: Don’t question “eye candy.”

A: True.

B: Especially her.

A: Who her?

B: Over there. Tall, thin, beautiful.

A: That doesn’t help.

B: Reading the book.

A: Oh my god!!!

B: Unbelievable, right?

5.

A: Never seen her before.

B: Me, neither.

A: Definitely my type.

B: Definitely everybody’s type.

A: Agreed.

B: Go talk to her.

A: Maybe she wants you.

B: Maybe, but I doubt it.

A: Got your gaydar working?

B: No, just a feeling.

A: Could I afford her?

B: She does look high maintenance.

A: And I’m just a teacher.

B: Ask her to join us.

A: If she says no…

6.

B: Nothing lost. But, if she—

A: Say yes…

B: So, go.

A: I will.

(A doesn’t move)

B: What?

A: Don’t rush me.

B: Is there a problem?

A: Yes. I need something.

B: What?

A: Courage.

B: I’ll wave her over.

A: Don’t do that.

B: You don’t go, I’m leaving.

A: Ok, I’ll talk to her.

7.

(A starts to walk)

B: (loud whisper) Wait!

A: What?

B: Look.

A: Look at what?

B: What she’s doing.

A: Scratching her nose.

B: Not scratching!

A: Well, she’s not picking it.

B: Really? Look closer.

A: Girls that beautiful just don’t.

B: You’re the expert?

A: They don’t do anything nasty.

B: No bodily functions?

A: I like to think not.

8.

B: Mister Dream World.

A: She didn’t do it.

B: Not yet.

A: You think she will?

B: I’m willing to bet. You?

A: How much?

B: Twenty dollars.

A: Where’s your confidence? Fifty.

B: Wanna see confidence? One hundred.

A: It’s a bet!

B: So, let’s say she does.

A: Pick it?

B: Yes. You still approach her?

A: No. (pause) I don’t know.

B: So, you might.

9.

A: Nobody’s perfect.

B: But, doing it…in public?

A: She hasn’t done it, yet.

B: What if she did it—

A: It won’t happen.

B: —After a great first date?

A: I saw her do it?

B: Yes.

A: Hmm. Tough decision.

B: What about after great sex.

A: Wow. Yellow socks on Christmas.

B: Exactly.

A: Sex changes everything.

B: With her it would.

A: Difficult to give that up.

10.

B: Look. She’s going for it.

A: No.

B: Such long, thin fingers.

A: For playing the piano.

B: (B puts finger next to her nose) And this.

A: No way.

B: The finger is in.

A: I can’t believe it.

B: I win!

A: I’m devastated. Heartbroken.

B: Double or nothing?

A: On what?

B: She does it again.

A: She won’t.

B: Then, let’s bet.

11.

A: Ok. Oh my god!

B: What?

A: Can you see? It’s huge.

B: Like a grape.

A: A kiwi.

B: Imagine if we were closer.

A: Yeah, maybe a grapefruit.

B: And her nose is small.

A: Must be deep.

B: Nobody sees her.

A: Just us, you think?

B: We have the perfect angle.

A: Behind and to the side.

B: Now, she’s playing with it.

A: Arrgh. (hands over eyes) Saving it for later?

12.

B: Maybe for lunch. (beat) Oh, cle-ver.

A: What?

B: She hid it.

A: Where?

B: Inside her book.

(A spreads his fingers to look)

A: I don’t see it.

B: Covered her face with it.

A: Never thought she’d do it.

B: She’s a professional.

A: Is she going in again?

B: Looks like it.

A: To the other nostril.

B: With her other hand.

A: She’s ambidextrous.

13.

B: She’s had lots of practice.

A: Gotta admire talent like that.

B: You owe me two hundred.

A: I know.

B: Double or nothing again?

A: On what? She’s outa hands.

B: She eats them.

A: That’s disgusting.

B: Maybe, but that’s the bet.

A: Okay. She’ll never…

B: You’re sure about the bet?

A: Absolutely.

B: Would you? Right now?

A: Would I what?

B: Would you still date her?

14.

A: Depends.

B: Are you kidding?! On what?

A: If I win this bet.

B: So, just picking is okay?

A: It’s not a deal breaker.

B: It’s a habit. Like heroin.

A: She’s not an addict.

B: What if you lose?

A: I won’t.

B: Maybe you spoke too soon.

A: I think she’s just yawning.

B: Hand close to her mouth.

A: Close means nothing.

B: Mouth opening.

A: (Pointing finger towards girl) Don’t, don’t, don’t.

B: (Pointing finger towards girl) Eat, eat, eat.

(Lights down)

THE END