“Sexual Relations”

Play #5 in “La noche de las obras cortas” (The Night of Short Plays) performed in Oaxaca, Mexico in June 2018.

Anybody interested in producing these eight plays–scripts available in English and Spanish–please click on contact and send me a message.

“Sexual Relations” synopsis: a vow of celibacy,  a change of heart and family.

CHARACTERS

A

B

TIME: The Present

PLACE: A bar and a park in a small city

1.

(Lights up on a bar signified by one tall table people would stand at. Music PLAYS in the b.g.)

A: Ready for another?

B: Are you?

A: If you are.

B: Maybe. You?

A: I’m good either way.

B: Me, too. Glad that’s settled.

A: Nothin’ happenin’ here.

B: No.

A: So?

B: Up to you.

A: A movie?

B: Which one?

A: Too much pressure. I’m open.

B: Anything is fine.

2.

A: Scifi?

B: Not a big fan.

A: Anything but scifi.

B: Yeah. Comedy?

A: What about a comedy club?

B: Ooh, that sounds good.

A: Great. Let’s go.

B: Oh, we can’t.

A: Why not?

B: It’s Tuesday. It’s closed.

A: Ah, crap.

B: Yeah.

A: I need to move.

B: Where?

A: A city with more action.

3.

B: Yeah, this burg is boring.

A: One comedy club. One cinema.

B: But, four screens.

A: Whooooppeee! What’s your dream city?

B: Hmmm. Springfield.

A: Springfield? What about Miami? LA?

B: Too big.

A: New York. That’s my city.

B: Ever been?

A: Once. Didn’t want to leave.

B: What’s stopping you now?

A: Money. And you?

B: Me what?

A: Springfield.

B: Umm…a possible situation.

4.

A: Ooh, how cryptic.

B: I think you know it.

A: (smiles) Maybe. Go for a walk?

B: Sure. Where?

A: With walking, destination doesn’t matter.

(The ACTORS walk aimlessly around the stage and through the audience if possible, for the next several lines. They stop at the park bench. B takes A’s hand. A pulls away)

B: You didn’t like it?

A: No. I mean, yes.

B: But, you pulled away.

A: Maybe too soon.

B: For holding hands?

A: Well…

B: We’ve done it before.

A: I know.

5.

B: Then what is it?

A: Nothing.

(B holds out hand. A hesitates, but takes it)

B: How does it feel?

A: Fine.

B: That’s it? Just fine?

A: Soft. It’s a nice hand.

B: Are you nervous about something?

A: (quickly) No.

B: You don’t have to lie.

A: Okay, maybe a little.

B: About what?

A: One thing leads to another.

B: It can.

A: Yes, it can.

6.

B: Do you want it to?

A: Yes, but…

B: But, what?

A: Where are we going?

B: I thought my apartment.

A: Why?

B: One thing leads to another.

A: Let’s stay here. Please?

B: Sure. For a little while.

(THEY sit on the bench)

A: Thanks. I’m not really afraid.

B: Of what?

A: You know.

B: Can you say it?

A: Of course.

7.

B: Okay.

A: Now?

B: If you don’t mind.

A: The one with three letters?

B: Or four. Your choice.

A: Three.

B: Okay.

A: S-s-sex.

B: That was difficult for you.

A: A little.

B: A lot. Why?

A: I can’t say.

B: Bad experience?

A: Not that.

B: You won’t tell me.

8.

A: It’s too soon.

B: To tell me or sex?

A: Both.

B: I like you.

A: I like you, too.

B: Really, really like you.

A: Oh, thank you.

B: We need to communicate.

A: About “it”?

B: It’s essential to a relationship.

A: Mmm-hmmm.

B: Let’s talk.

A: Anything but that.

B: Just one question?

A: Let’s talk about climate change.

9.

B: The climate is changing.

A: Yes, it is.

B: Between us.

A: Oh. Sorry.

B: Have you ever done it?

A: I don’t want—no.

B: No? Never? At your age?

A: I know. I’m a freak.

B: No, just…hard to find.

A: I made a promise.

B: To whom?

A: It doesn’t matter.

B: To god?

A: Not exactly.

B: What’s the promise?

10.

A: Save myself for marriage.

B: Must be hard.

A: Very funny.

B: My bad.

A: Sometimes it’s very…difficult.

B: I don’t know any virgins.

A: We’re special. Maybe even endangered.

B: I admire your conviction, although…

A: Although what?

B: Finding a compatible partner.

A: Obviously, I haven’t.

B: Maybe an ex-nun.

A: I’ve tried that.

B: Really? And?

A: Couldn’t wait to do it.

11.

B: No kidding?

A: All over me in minutes.

B: Well, don’t give up.

A: It’s a deal breaker.

B: Not necessarily.

A: What do you mean?

B: Maybe you’re worth the wait.

A: I’ve never heard that before.

B: Always a first time.

A: I’m very happy.

B: Me, too.

(A gives B a soft kiss on the lips)

A: A question.

B: Sure.

A: Why did you decide—

12.

B: To deal with it?

A: Yes.

B: Maybe it’s not that important.

A: But, you like it.

B: Too much, probably.

A: There’s one more thing.

B: Is this the last thing?

A: Yes. Are you catholic?

B: Not the best, but yes.

A: Good.

B: Why?

A: My uncle will be thrilled.

B: That’s nice.

A: I need to call him.

B: You promised him?

13.

A: Yes. Say I found someone.

B: Let’s call from my apartment.

A: I can’t wait that long.

(A dials)

Hello. Father Tom Jenkins, please.

B: Stop! Hang up! Now!

A: Why?

B: Just do it.

(A disconnects the call)

A: What’s the matter?

B: Maybe there’s more than one.

A: One what?

B: Father Tom Jenkins.

A: Could be.

B: Does he live in Cleveland?

A: Yes.

B: Works for the bishop?

14.

A: Yes.

B: Shit.

A: What’s this about?

B: Do you know his story?

A: I don’t understand.

B: After he was ordained?

A: We kinda lost touch. Why?

B: He broke a promise.

A: Nobody’s perfect.

B: We’re first cousins.

(Lights down)

THE END